Hate....

I had a nerve-wrecking moment with my mother....
and i hate her so much!!! that i dont know how to type out my feelings here...i felt that 'why cant my mother be like my friends mother or probably like my bf's mother?'

Until now i dint even talk with her or even ask her, but of coz as a mother she will always talk 1st..but im not that type of person who can be dumped and then just pick it up like nothing has happened before no......u cant just act like there's nothing happened between us, this si not a mother should do to her daughter....

One of the very very bad things about my mother is she will always make you go stale when u are in a fresh condition. Meanings....everytime when my mood is very good and am in a happy moment where i can talk to her and play with her, she will somehow shun my days out in just a few minutes. She already knew that i will be late or maybe doing something outside or just anything, she will keep on rushing me and saying all those feeling-hurtings words to force me to go back to her side...hey c'mon...im a grown up already even if im not married yet.
Im very clear at doing my things and of coz im very stable now and forever because of my bf beside me all the time, helping me and always be there for me whenever im in my ups and downs moments....but my mother just feel so insecure whenever im outside the house and out of her sight....whats the matter with her....i just DONT UNDERSTAND it.....

Then, when im quiet, she will say that im be rude to her cz never reply her or things like that and when i speak to her ,she said i always wanted to create an argement between me and her.The reason she said that is because everything that she talks, she must win and must take back her rights and respects and also us must give her face, what about us...so did she mean that we all din have our own rights?, no need to go out to the society to work, dont hv any judgements and also we must accept and bless her but not her respecting and standing in our shoes to do the judgements. Whatever she did was right and always the best for me......NO.....i dont think so.....shes a pioneer now..and also a mother, she need to understand that the world now is changing rapidly and si time for her to let loose, she can do this and that but not us...shes free but not us... shes right and we're wrong, nononono..this is not the fact, not all older people is right and never do mistakes....

aah......i dont know what to say......i think im going to die soon before her....whenever i talk all these things to my bf, he will become mad too..and is sad for me.....

I wanna tell u all this that actually i love my mother very very much and always think of her even if she treated me not so good, shes never apart from my heart now and forever, unfortunately i think by now my love for her will sooner or later fade away. And i hope i wont be cause MOTHER is the true queen in my heart. It might be that she growing older and older so thats why her concerns for me are also leveling up....depends....as the time goes by, everything will change and let the time prove all things...

I dont want to talk about her already la.....fed up.....end here now...ciao